cheating

so my sister asked my what i thought about cheating the other day. i am glad to say that i never cheated on any girl i dated. but i have fooled around with girls who have had boyfriends. so does that make me a cheater? or a bad guy? is it really my fault that the girl fell for my charm? these are all questions i ask myself when i have situations like that. but cheating to me is a different story when it comes to relationships. i dont cheat bc i feel it is wrong, i feel if i give my heart to someone im going to give them my whole heart and not pieces. if a person cheats on you its almost as if they do/did not care about you. the heart is fragile and anything can cause it to break. i think the reason i dont have a relationship now is bc i dont want to get my heart broken by someone cheating on me. i know i should just jump into the relationship game bc its fun to get to know people, but cant two people get to know each other and not have a relationship? i just dont want to get my heart broken over some girl cheating on me.

hate is a strong word, so i will go with disgust and shame. i have been feeling a great deal of disgust towards my sister and her actions as of late. she is not the person i thought she was. partly the reason is because of her boyfriend. it make me genuinely sad that i say that i can not trust my sister. she lies, and i dont like liars especially from a family member. i honestly dont understand why she feels she has to lie or do the things she does. i dont see why she has interest in someone who cant even wash his own clothes. she wont even wash her own clothes, but she will wash his. she puts him over her immediate family. its sad to say but i honestly think that once i move out of the house i will never come in contact with my sister again. i dont want to be around someone like that. what hurts me the most is that she lies to my dad. my dad gives up a lot for us to be happy and for her to deceive him makes me angry. i wish i can slap some sense in her but i might actually use my hand, and i dont hit women. when i see my sister i feel no love for her, i dont even have words to explain that. its crazy, but she chose to be the way she is but it pains me to say that she will be cut out of my life very soon

right now im feeling very depresses for some odd reason. i have my tail between my legs and everything. to be honest its a little pathetic, but the feeling wont go away. it could be the stress from the week of school and the oncoming stress of the work i have to do. i have been thinking of italy a lot tho, im feeling like the opportunity is slipping away and i have no control over it. i want to go, not only bc of the possible orgy fest i can get in on. but to experience being on my own. and it would just be fucking awesome. my attitude is on a whole new level of fuck it right now, not on a fuck the world rebellious level but close. so now im going to go back to tv and let it continue to ruin my intelligence