cheating

so my sister asked my what i thought about cheating the other day. i am glad to say that i never cheated on any girl i dated. but i have fooled around with girls who have had boyfriends. so does that make me a cheater? or a bad guy? is it really my fault that the girl fell for my charm? these are all questions i ask myself when i have situations like that. but cheating to me is a different story when it comes to relationships. i dont cheat bc i feel it is wrong, i feel if i give my heart to someone im going to give them my whole heart and not pieces. if a person cheats on you its almost as if they do/did not care about you. the heart is fragile and anything can cause it to break. i think the reason i dont have a relationship now is bc i dont want to get my heart broken by someone cheating on me. i know i should just jump into the relationship game bc its fun to get to know people, but cant two people get to know each other and not have a relationship? i just dont want to get my heart broken over some girl cheating on me.

hate is a strong word, so i will go with disgust and shame. i have been feeling a great deal of disgust towards my sister and her actions as of late. she is not the person i thought she was. partly the reason is because of her boyfriend. it make me genuinely sad that i say that i can not trust my sister. she lies, and i dont like liars especially from a family member. i honestly dont understand why she feels she has to lie or do the things she does. i dont see why she has interest in someone who cant even wash his own clothes. she wont even wash her own clothes, but she will wash his. she puts him over her immediate family. its sad to say but i honestly think that once i move out of the house i will never come in contact with my sister again. i dont want to be around someone like that. what hurts me the most is that she lies to my dad. my dad gives up a lot for us to be happy and for her to deceive him makes me angry. i wish i can slap some sense in her but i might actually use my hand, and i dont hit women. when i see my sister i feel no love for her, i dont even have words to explain that. its crazy, but she chose to be the way she is but it pains me to say that she will be cut out of my life very soon

right now im feeling very depresses for some odd reason. i have my tail between my legs and everything. to be honest its a little pathetic, but the feeling wont go away. it could be the stress from the week of school and the oncoming stress of the work i have to do. i have been thinking of italy a lot tho, im feeling like the opportunity is slipping away and i have no control over it. i want to go, not only bc of the possible orgy fest i can get in on. but to experience being on my own. and it would just be fucking awesome. my attitude is on a whole new level of fuck it right now, not on a fuck the world rebellious level but close. so now im going to go back to tv and let it continue to ruin my intelligence

the famous l.a

well last night i got the real taste of good ol l.a, and i dare say it left a bitter taste in my mouth. i guess having not only your money but also your sanity stolen and being punched in the mouth can do that to you. i always heard about the bad and the gang violence but i never really saw it or experienced it until last night. (off on a whole other tangent) you know its fucking crazy, we get a black president, a person of power and character who set a positive example that we can be better than what we are, but there are still black on black violence. it makes me sad to report that my muggers were black. it makes me even more sad that there are still people who play into that gangster mentality, no wonder people dont trust black people no wonder no one wants to hire a black person in corporate america, bc of the image that they have of black people. well i can tell you now that i confirm the popular consensus. but it would be unfair of me to say that its just black peoples fault, its not, it is the media and the people who run this fucked up country of ours. they want to keep black people out of corporate america and from getting too much power and influence to make change, so they turn minorities against each other. well i say fuck it all, hopefully i will be out of this damned country finding peace somewhere else.

something on my mind

today i was thinking about what i want to do with my life. for those who dont know i play golf and my dream is to be a pro golfer. but there is always that chance i dont make it, although i am confident enough to know that i will. but like i said there is a small chance that i might not make it, so i was wondering what i would do with my life if i didnt play golf. im good at a lot of things. im pretty good with numbers. i have great leadership skills. but the thing is since there is so many things i am good at, i cant pick anything. i am majoring in international business, but i only want to do that because of the possibility of it getting me a job that will take me all over the world. i wish it was easy for me to make a decision. im kind of getting interested in architecture so maybe i will just make the decision to become an architect, but who knows. but i believe if i work hard enough the golf thing will work out. i guess i have to think of it as i dont have any second choices and that golf is the only choice, that i have to make it in golf. if i think that way maybe i will reach my goal of professional golf. i guess we will see what happens...

my advice

one of my friends just asked me for advice about his relationship with his girl, then i thought to myself why do all of my friends come to me for retlationship advice when im not even in a relationship. so basically he is in a long distance relationship with his girl and he feels that they are growing apart more and more. it also doesnt help that another girl is catching his eye. i honestly didnt know what to tell him, but i asked him what he will be gaining and what he will be loosing. now im not a relationship expert or anything but i just told him to follow his heart. all i know is if i was in a relationship and my girl was having second thoughts about how she was feeling about me, i would rather her tell me so we can talk about it so we can do whats best for ourselfs and not the relationship. for any of those who are in the same situation, i will tell u what i told my friend... just follow your heart, well better yet let your heart and your mind be in sync so that you can come up with the best decision for yourself

My first post

To be honest I never thought I would ever have a blog, but I guess there is a first time for everything. I guess i started this blog to just actually see the thoughts in my head on something. Also to excercise my creativity. im contemplating on writing a book soon so this is aslo to fine tune my writing. I really dont expect people to read this blog but if people do and it becomes popular that would be cool I guess. Well i guess thats all for now...